you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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