Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
