Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
