imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
