TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
