the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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