Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
