If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
