GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
