I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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