You smell like stripper and shame
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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