So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
