Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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