Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
