he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
