U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
