arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
