Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
