he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
