every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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