I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
