I'm jealous of your bromance
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
