hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
