No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
