In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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