we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
