Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
