So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
