I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
