You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
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Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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