i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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