it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
