My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize