dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
