Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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