I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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