You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize