My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
