remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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