your parents love me but you hate me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
