I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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