Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
