i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
