This is not my ceiling
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
