Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
