I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
