I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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