Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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