K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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