Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
