Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
