come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
