Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize