I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
