mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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