your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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