He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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