the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
