I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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