i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
