Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
