Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
