Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
