You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
