If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
