I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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