rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
