I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
