so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
