Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
