so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
