who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
