Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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