3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
