I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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